Awkward Conversation

Me: Do you have a minute that we could talk?

My Morning Sickness: Yeah, what up babe?

Me: ok first of all, please don't call me babe. It makes me nauseous. Secondly, I just kind of feel like we are on different wavelengths here. We're coming at this pregnancy from entirely different angles, and I feel like you're not respecting my needs. You're just doing your own thing. I felt that you following me to work and just "hanging out" was entirely inappropriate...

My Morning Sickness: What? Are you like embarrassed of me? You don't want your little friends to know we're together? Is that it?

Me: We're not together.

My Morning Sickness: Every morning for the last week you have woken up and I have been right there. That doesn't mean anything to you?

Me: But I don't want you to be there, that's the kicker here.

My Morning Sickness: You want this baby, don't you?

Me: Yes.

My Morning Sickness: You think you can dictate everything in this child's life?

Me: Well, no.

My Morning Sickness: I am here because of that child, and if you don't think you can handle it maybe you better reconsider whether or not you are ready for our baby.

Me: Can you please never ever again refer to this child as ours? Ever.

My Morning Sickness: Whatever. I just don't know anymore if you have what it takes.

Me: I have what it takes. I just don't like you and I would really like it if I never saw you again.

My Morning Sickness: I just have a feeling that's not going to happen.

Me: Yeah, I know. I just wanted you to know how I feel I guess.

My Morning Sickness: Yeah, that's those hormones flaring up.

Me: It's not really the hormones. I mean, have any of the women you've followed around expressed appreciation or gratitude for you being there. I feel like they probably didn't. I feel like they wanted you to leave just as much as I do.

My Morning Sickness: Just goes to show you're a cruel sex.

Me: Then why don't you just leave us alone? I think we'd all be better off.

My Morning Sickness: I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Me: You could just go away, then you wouldn't have to listen to me complain about you. That would work for both of us.

My Morning Sickness: You're just being mean now.

Me: Will that work? If I am mean will you leave me alone?

My Morning Sickness: No.

Me: Fine. Well, I am going to go over there now. So, if you want a break from me being mean to you all you have to do is not follow me.

My Morning Sickness: I hate you.

Me: I hate you, too.